Bella's messed up world
by KMC1232
Summary: Edward pulls me onto his back and sprouts wings. Next thing I know, I'm at Alice's and Edward proposes to me with a peanut. Then Jasper rides in on a very fat unicorn singing, "Da da daaah! My little pony! So fat and so lonely! I love unicorns that hump rocks!" Rated M for language
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**This is a very funny story and a very perverted one. I hope you like it. ;)**

**Bella POV**

I wake up at Edward's house,

"Hi Bella. Do you want to be fucked by Jasper?" asks Edward, "Let's go, I will drive you there. Come on, let's go."

"No! Edward, what is wrong with you?" I ask.

"No... you're right Bella. Let's get married, then you can fuck Emmett."

"What is wrong with you, Edward? I'm going home right now. I'll see you tomorrow, creeper." I say and start to walk away.

"Come back Bella! Wait!" I watch as he grabs my shoulder and turns me around.

"What on Earth is wrong with you Edward? Thats it, I'm going crazy. Take me to the nut house."

"But why, Bella, when you can get married to me. Come on."

Edward pulls me onto his back and sprouts wings. Next thing I know, I'm at Alice's and Edward proposes to me with a peanut. Then Jasper rides in on a very fat unicorn singing, "Da da daaah! My little pony! So fat and so lonely! I love unicorns that hump rocks!"

Okay, I'm obviously in some kind of dream.

Emmett comes out naked and says,"Hey Bella, I'm waiting for you to come over to my room so I can hump you." he holds up a goat, "And then this mountain goat can rape you. So hurry up and get married."

What the Hell is going on?

I see Alice come out with Charlie.

"Bella..."

"I...I...Dad, I can explain."

"No need Bella. You will have goat children and Emmett will feed them."

"Oh! This will be so great! I'll get the bed ready!" Alice says.

"Don't I get a say in this?" I ask.

Alice looks at me, "OMG, you're right Bella. What was I thinking? You need me to get it on tape. I'll hump you leg while you fuck the goat. And I'll lick you're eyeball. So don't worry, I'll take care of you,Bella. We can drink toilet water. Come on."

Next thing know, a goat is humping my chest, Emmett is humping the goat and my face while Alice tapes it and licks me while, also, humping my leg.

I'm scared and crazy.

What is going on?

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**I hope you liked this chapter. I will try to add at least one chapter a week. **

**Review!**

**Love y'all!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't own Twilight.**

**Bella POV**

Maybe I am dreaming. Yeah! Maybe I am and I'll wake up any moment...any second...I'm still waiting. Yep, I'm still confused about this...now I'm not patient anymore: WAKE UP!

Okay, Okay. Be calm. I can do this.

I walk up to Edward, "Hey, dipshit, how stupid is your brain?"

"Uhhhh...95%."

"Uh-huh. Thats what I thought. Well, wake me up when I'm dead okay?" I say.

"Okay, Bella." he replies.

_Later:_

"Edward, take me to Wendys so I can get a sub, okay?" He picks me up,"Now, up, up, and away!" I shout.

Edward grows wings and flies up in the air off to Wendy's.

"Next stop: Wendy's." he says.

When we arrive there I order fries, a burger, and a milkshake.

"Now, to the table."

The waiter that gave me my food is a big, fat whale and splashes water all over me.

"Hey, Edward, take me to the fair with my food."

"Okay, hun. The fair is all dark with clowns that have shark faces and snake tails."

I'm eating my food when the grim reaper takes my sandwich.

"What the fuck man?! My sandwich!" I yell, "Edward! Fetch my sandwich!"

"Okay, Bella!"

Edward runs and grabs my sandwich.

"Okay, now bring it back Edward."

"One second,Bella." he says. Then he shits on the ground and wipes hiss ass with my sandwich. "Here you go Bella."

"WTF?! Why would you do that?!"

"It's okay. You can eat my shitwich I made."

What kind of world is this?

"Here, Bella, take this shitwich, okay? Here you go." he says.

"No! I don't want it! Edward, stop! Stop! STOP!"

Then he shoves it in my mouth.

"This tastes like pickles! Why would you do this to me?"

"Because, I love you." He says. "Come on, let's go somewhere else." he says.

"No! I hate you Edward! And this isn't real either! Edward, just take your shitty sandwich and leave." I say loudly.

"But..but...but-I-I don't what I did wrong. I gave you shit, I got your sandwich back, I took you to be humped by a goat, what did I do wrong?" he asks.

"Everything! All of that was wrong! Just leave!" Then he leaves and the grim reaper comes back.

"What the Hell do you want Grim?" I ask.

"I WANT YOUR SOUL!"

Oh shit.

**Hope you liked this chapter!**

**Review!**


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